When you’re having a secret affair, the idea is to keep the entire relationship under wraps so that your committed partner or spouse doesn’t find out about it.
But that can take a huge toll on your relationship as well as your entire state of being, and after a while, it can be too much to bear.
Many secret affairs end with one partner admitting to the other that they’ve been cheating simply to alleviate the pressure and to come clean at last.
But if you want to admit your affair to your spouse, you have to do it just right to make sure that they understand and accept the situation, particularly if you wish to stay in a committed relationship with them after this affair.
Look, telling your spouse that you’ve been having a secret affair is never an easy situation, and you have to be prepared and expect an emotionally fraught situation with tension.
When you’re ready to confess, make sure that you have steeled yourself for the emotional confrontation that you are about to face, and be prepared for your spouse to be extremely angry and hurt.
They may not want your comfort and may even want to walk away from the situation and take some time to themselves.
Let this happen and give your spouse a bit of space to deal with the situation before you start working on repairing the damage.
When you do make your confession, be sure to make the secret affair as much about yourself and your mistakes and your needs as possible.
Be humble and admit your own flaws, and apologize as sincerely for your mistakes as possible.
Make it all about you and your failure in the relationship.
Even if their lack of attention or refusal to try new things is the reason you took on a lover, this is not the moment to address that shortcoming.
They are going to feel hurt enough as it is, and women in particular are going to be insecure about what drove you outside the relationship.
You don’t want to stoke the fire and make them feel even more insecure.
Once things have settled down, you can address these issues that you feel need attention, but wait until after you’ve admitted to the affair and can talk freely with your spouse again.
You also want to make it very clear that you want to work things out with this person (if this is indeed the case).
So many times people will discover an affair and immediately jump to the conclusion that you’d prefer someone else and are no longer interested in them.
Be sure to tell your spouse how much you love them and the specific things you love about them, and make it very clear that you want to make things work with them.
State the things you are willing to do to fix the marriage and make things right, and ask them what they want from you to repair the damage.
Making it clear that you intend to work to make it up to them can make all the difference in this moment of emotional turmoil.
Admitting to a secret love affair is difficult.
Your spouse may not accept it right away, and they certainly won’t accept your apologies right away.
But admitting to the affair can take a huge weight off your shoulders, and it can allow you to move forward and work things out with your spouse.
And once the storm passes, you will be able to finally relax with a clear conscience and an open heart.