Typically a secret affair isnít meant to get serious.
Itís meant to fulfill a need, something youíre not getting from your committed relationship.
But sometimes the person youíre having the affair with falls for you.
Maybe theyíre not in a committed relationship themselves or they couldnít separate their emotions from the physical situation, and now they want more of your time, attention and emotions.
Not only that, but they start to get jealous of your committed partner.
This can be a dangerous situation.
A secret lover that is jealous, angry or upset can use that to their advantage.
They know your biggest secret, and they can use it to harass you or even turn you in to your spouse.
If you notice that your secret lover is starting to get jealous of your spouse, you have to take action and quickly work on the situation to make sure that your secret stays safe and your affair stays in the dark.
First and foremost, you need to have a conversation with your lover.
It may not be pleasant and it may not the be typical carefree encounter you typically have with your lover, but you must face them with this situation.
Discuss your situation with your lover, and ask them to explain their feelings.
Why are they feeling jealous?
What are they needing from you more?
What could you do, in the limited capacity you have for interaction, to make them feel better?
Listen carefully and try to find ways you can help attend to their needs and wants from within the bounds of your secret relationship.
One thing you should NOT do, however, is to promise them more time and more attention if thatís not an option.
And you should never promise that one day youíll be just with them unless you truly plan on leaving your committed spouse forever.
Itís an easy thing to say and it will pacify your lover, but if you give them that false hope that one day you will be with only them, they will remain jealous of your spouse and may escalate the situation to get you to themselves sooner.
Make it very clear that you are still in a committed relationship and that they are not your first priority, even though you care for them or need them physically.
But you have to draw a line in the sand and make sure your lover understands their role in your life and the limitations you have on getting further involved with them.
Jealousy can be a dangerous emotion.
It can be irrational and lead people to make irrational choices, and a spurned lover can make your life miserable.
Try to contain these jealous emotions as quickly as possibly by making the situation very clear and being clear on what you can and cannot offer this person.
Yes, this might end the affair, but it will keep your committed relationship safe and ensure that your secret affair remains as your secret to keep.