Most secret affairs start out of a need one person has.
Maybe they arenít getting enough attention in their committed relationship or they donít feel loved or they want more love making, and the secret affair fills that void and makes the person feel satisfied.
This can be beneficial to a personís committed relationship as it allows them to get what they need while still being with the person they are comfortable with, and they can keep it separated and apart from the rest of their lives.
But sometimes this new lover fills a void so great that the person just canít keep it separate, and they end up falling truly and madly in love with their secret affair lover.
When this happens and the secret partners want to make their relationship permanent, it can create a whole host of issues.
But if the person feels that this new lover is who they need to be with, they have to dive right in and work through these issues to make it work.
The most obvious road block, and the most serious, to being in a serious relationship with the secret affair lover is the committed partner or spouse.
The partner having the affair is going to have to reveal to their spouse that there is a new person in their lives and that they want out.
This is not an easy task and itíll be painful and tearful.
Separating to be with a lover may even require a divorce, which can make the situation even more tricky.
The best way to handle this is to sit down with the spouse and speak as openly and
honestly as possible. The conversation should focus on the needs the person has
that arenít being fulfilled by the spouse, particularly if itís something that has been
discussed in the relationship before. The more the person can make the
conversation about their needs and desire and less about the new partner, the
easier the transition will be. But donít expect this to be an easy conversation and be
prepared for tears.
A person also needs to consider how being in a serious relationship with a new, secret lover will affect other people in their lives.
There are some people that wonít accept this new relationship.
Coworkers, friends and family members may give the person the cold shoulder or worse, and it can be hard to deal with.
Make sure that you personally reach out to people in your inner circle and discuss with them whatís going on and why you are pursuing this new relationship.
If the person can help these acquaintances understand why they are involved in this new relationship, particularly when it comes out of the blue having been secret and concealed for a while, the transition will go smoother for everyone.
Moving forward with a secret lover can be the best move for you personally, but itís not without consequences.
The transition will be difficult for your spouse and many family and friends.
But if this is exactly what is right for you and your secret lover, then it is a worthy battle to fight your way through.
Just be prepared for a rough patch first before the storm blows over and you can enjoy your new relationship.