When youíre thinking of having a secret affair, a relationship with someone outside your marriage or committed relationship that your partner knows nothing about, itís easy to get caught up in the idea of sex, love and excitement, particularly if someone has already caught your attention.
But if you want the affair to remain a secret and not ruin the committed relationship you already are a part of, you need to take a minute, slow things down, and determine exactly what it is that you want from the secret affair.
Otherwise you might find yourself in a relationship that ruins your marriage and destroys your life.
What is it that you need to determine about this secret affair?
First and foremost, you need to determine the reason why you are seeking the affair in the first place.
What is it that you are missing from your marriage or relationship that is lacking to the point where you feel the need to step out and find it somewhere else?
After some careful thought, you may even find that a secret affair isnít going to be a good fit or isn't worth the stress as youíre not lacking anything that canít be easily addressed.
Or you might find that with just a bit of work, you can get exactly what it is that youíre after from your committed partner.
If you do find a need that isnít met and canít be easily fixed within your marriage, examine it.
Is it purely a urge that your partner canít or wonít fill?
Is it a need for more attention, excitement?
Is it a need for greater communication and closer companionship and intimacy?
Why is this important to contemplate before starting an affair?
It is important to determine what type of affair you wish to have so that you can seek out a partner that is looking for the same thing.
Having a secret lover that also wants a purely physical relationship or a super covert BDSM meeting or an intimate friend to talk to on the weekends makes it easier for the relationship to succeed.
If you both want the same things and have the same restrictions on secrecy, it makes it easier to keep the secret.
You wonít end up with a jealous lover that wants more from you than just love making and starts causing trouble for you in your marriage.
It also helps you to compartmentalize your feelings and desires so that you donít get yourself to attached to your lover in ways you arenít planning and give yourself away to your spouse.
If you want love making only and know that you want that only, itís easier to have the affair and not get attached, and itís easier to not become attached in a way that clues your spouse in to the changes in your behavior and personality.
And that allows you to keep the secret so that you can get what you want from the affair and still have your marriage partner to come home to at the end of the day.
Secret affairs can be tricky business.
But if you plan ahead and know what you want to get out of the affair, you can be sure to find a partner that fits what you need and prepare yourself so that the affair fulfills your needs and desires and still remains a secret.